To do nothing is in every man's power.
- Samuel Johnson
How to Turn Crucial Conversations into Action and Results
By this point, the pool of shared meaning has been established and there is a flow of information. What is next and what do you do with all of this meaning? This is where the last final steps are added into the crucial conversation. Before this happens, what a dialogue is must be elucidated to steer away from making common mistakes towards the end of the conversation. There needs to be an understanding that a dialogue is not a decision. When one brings to light an issue and provides the facts of matter and his story, that does not mean both parties have equal authority in the decision making. This is because decisions are often given to those in "the line of authority", like a boss. Nonetheless, there are times when "the line of authority is not clear" and in these times one must look at the various decision methods to determine how to make a decision (180). The four methods range based on the degrees of involvement. Starting from no involvement, there is the command method. In this case, one has no power to decide because that power belongs to someone who has been given authority or because one does not want to or care to take the time to make the decisions. The other option is the consult method, which is when one invites the input of other's ideas to influence his or her decision. Thirdly, there is the vote way, "best suited to situations where efficiency is the highest value" and the options are quickly reviewed and then voted on by everyone involved. Lastly, one can choose to apply the consent way, it takes the most patience and time and so "It should only be used with (1) high stake and complex issues or (2) issues where everyone absolutely must support the final choice"(182). You can gage which of the four methods is best by asking four questions:
1. Who cares?
2. Who Knows?
3. Who must all agree?
4. How many people is it worth involving?
All of these are great to alleviate the confusion as to what kind of method would best fit the situation. The decisions that arise from the method can be used to put into action. All this leads to the final step of making the assignments. For this to work, clear roles and timelines must be established. By creating a detailed and measurable assignment, it is easier to follow up. All of the commitments and decisions should be written down for reference and to use for accountability.
"Good works are worth much and cost little"
-George Herbert
Chapter 10 provides various examples and different cases that the authors have provided to answer the "yeah, but" questions. Some questions range from "failed trust," "my overly sensitive spouse," the issue of "failure to live up to agreements" and even to "touchy and personal" (206). The authors provide the danger points and the solution to the problem by applying the lessons learned from the previous chapters.
"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me as parties. Often, as a sing of their great respect, they don't even invite me. "
-Dave Barry
The final chapter deals with how to put it all together. It gives an overview of everything that has been mentioned. This is the big picture moment; every step thus far culminates to help make one's toughest conversations more manageable. Here we are coached through the whole process. Remember the first step involves the heart; "focus on what you really want" and "refuse the Sucker's Choice." The next step is to check if safety is established. The third step is seeing how to get safety back using contrast sentences, "to fix misunderstanding" and apologizing if in the wrong. The fourth step is learning to know what is factual and what is made up in your head about the problem at hand. The fifth step is taking the facts and stating your path of action and telling your story and seeking the other's as well. Next, in encouraging others to state their path, you are giving them the freedom to tentatively listen to their view. Lastly, take the dialogue and use it to decide how you will decide who acts. If you can master these steps, then you can establish and sustain an amiable relationship with any person in the office or in the neighborhood. It all starts with a crucial conversation done right.
Analysis:
The fall of man and communication has left us at a disadvantage. We are lost in translation. We forgot what meant to converse with God. Adam and Eve gave into the false stories told by Satan. When sin entered this world, proper communication was lost. There was a separation that divided good from evil. Since man gave into sin's rule, mankind was a slave to sin's disorder and chaos. No longer can man regain the perfect self because the good within was stolen and replaced by sin. Man's deprived soul made it so that our actions were grounded on self-love and pride. Cain and Abel's story demonstrates the breakdown in communication. Cain's crooked heart overshadowed his rational mind and it was the loss of communication with God that led him down a destructive path of hate and later murder of his own brother. Abel, on the other hand, gave unselfishly to God and the Lord was pleased with his offering. Instead of taking the moment to search his heart and bring his issues up to God, Cain took a route that would change his relation with God forever. He chose not to love his neighbor, his own blood.
That being said, communication is not something that just business people must develop. It is required from all people from any age group. The better one is at communicating with others and with God, the more likely they are to be victims of more stress, frustration, and even heartache. I read this book for personal reasons and the thought I could benefit from it. During the process of reading a few chapters at time, I would use the lessons learned and apply it in every day situation. I haven't had crucial conversations, but I have taken upon myself to take the advice from these authors and provide it for others. The main points I drew from Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High are: how to compose my emotions in times of high stakes, how to see the argument from other's perspective, keeping an eye on the goal and respect, and not letting my sinful ways lead me to a place where I lose sight of the dialogue. This book gives you the understanding that you can take back a failing conversation and transform the negative emotions into a healthy dialogue.
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